Radical Humility - No. 47
What is on the other side of ego death? I believe it is radical humility. So what is radical humility, and what makes it different from normal humility?
There are lots of people our culture would call humble who have not gone through an ego death. There is a level of social humility that has become the norm. When someone is successful but doesn’t brag a lot or draw too much attention to themselves, we call them humble. The issue is that much of the time, these people are not truly humble; they are socially humble. Their behavior aligns with a culturally expected level of humility. I have met many people who are called humble by friends and colleagues, but when you spend time with them, it becomes clear they have quite a big ego hidden under layers of social humility. When you offend these people or let them down, they won’t often be mean to you, but they will write you off or begin to ignore you.
I have been written off a number of times, and I am sure you have, too. It really doesn’t feel good; it's like someone has decided that you are no longer worthy of their time. That is, unfortunately, a sign of a significant hidden ego. I want to be clear, I am not saying any of this to bash egotistical people, I am communicating this to draw attention and awareness to the reality that what we call humility is more a social posture than it is a reflection of a true heart condition.
This is where the concept of radical humility comes in. When we go through an ego death and start to come out the other side, we are on a journey of transformation, but what is our posture along that journey? In other words, how do we show up every day in our lives and relationships? If our ego is dead, then we aren’t the center of our own lives. We are deeply aware of our own limitations, weaknesses, and brokenness. We are no longer trying to be in control of our lives. We no longer believe we deserve anything or are better or more entitled than anyone else. True ego death means accepting the five truths of initiation listed below that I reference in my book Every Man’s Journey.
- Life is hard
- You are not that important
- Your life is not about you
- You are not in control
- You are going to die
What is it like to be with someone who has accepted these truths, surrendered control of their life, and accepted that they aren’t the hero in their own story? Said another way, what is it like to be with someone who sees themselves and their life clearly? In my experience, you feel loved, accepted, and seen by them. When you do something that “lets them down,” they aren’t let down, because they don’t believe they deserve anything from you. You get the sense when you are with them that they care more about you than they do themselves. The way they talk to you and treat you calls you into your true identity. Simply put, they are living from a posture of radical humility.
This kind of humility is radically different than normal run of the mill Christian cultural humility. You cannot fake radical humility; it is impossible. We can only find this posture when we have fought the greatest battle and overcome our false identity and ego. From that posture, we are capable of actually being human and having a real relationship with other humans. All ego posturing is driven by our false identity. It is based on illusions about who we are in relationship to God and others. Our wounding leaves us with a broken sense of identity and causes us to feel the need to prove that we are somehow better, more important and valuable than other people. In reality, our ego is just an expression of our deeply rooted fear that we are not enough.
Love and Humility
Real love requires radical humility. Jesus said, “love God with all your heart and love others as yourself.” Then He made it clear that if you do all sorts of miracles but don’t have love, then He will say, “I never knew you.” Both of these verses give me a picture of what love is. First, is absolutely foundational to having any sort of relationship with God. Second, what He tells us to do as the most important commandment is a kind of love that makes other people just as important to us as we are to ourselves. That is radical humility. I am also left with the conviction that we cannot truly love if we cannot live from radical humility. In other words, we cannot truly love without overcoming our ego and finding that posture of heart and mind we were created to live from.
What we see in Jesus’ teaching and in stories about Him is obviously someone who lived out of radical humility. He was the son of God, the most influential person in the world, and He kept giving his time and attention to the “least important” people in the world. His life and ministry were the most perfect picture the world has ever seen of a sacrificial life, and He called us to be like Him. He lived out self-transcendent love, that kind of love is not human, it is divine love. We only access that kind of love through the work of the Spirit in our hearts and minds. Then Jesus draws a line in the sand and says that our love is how people will know we follow Him.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
- John 13:34-35
God keeps bringing me back to this picture that the people I want advising me and walking with me are people who live out radical humility. I want to be surrounded by brothers and advisors who have overcome their ego and are pursuing transformation as disciples of Jesus. Those kinds of people will push me to continue on the journey God has me on, regardless of the perceived cost or discomfort.
It is challenging to truly know if someone is following God’s voice and direction in every part of their life. We can see the fruit of their journey but we can’t know their heart, mind, and relationship with God. What is abundantly obvious, though, is when someone is living out of real radical humility. That way of being is so counter-cultural that it stands out like a light on a hill. When you sit down with someone, and they are truly present, care about you as much as they care about themselves, do not feel superior to you, and are interacting with you in such a way that it calls out your true identity, that is unmistakable. That doesn’t happen by accident; it is only possible through ego death and spirit-led transformation.
Living Out of Radical Humility
Ego death is the only way to learn to access a heart posture of radical humility. The journey of transformation is about growing into our true identity and unlearning our false identity. The more we live from our true identity, the more we live out radical humility. The farther we go on our journey, the more we become people of radical humility capable of truly loving others.
In my own experience, there are times when I put myself in the middle of the story again or start trying to take control or find myself thinking I am more important than someone else. When I find myself reverting to the false man, I repent and reconnect with God, and as I do, I find myself returning to a posture of radical humility. Sometimes I'll be going into a meeting, and I recognize that most of my thoughts about this meeting center around what I want to get out of it or what I think should happen. That is all ego-centric thinking and a sign that I am not living from my true identity and walking in radical humility.
Humility and knowing God
Proverbs talks about how if we truly pursue wisdom, we will arrive at the fear of the Lord and the knowledge of God. I think that the best definition of “fear of the Lord” is: Right understanding of who we are in relationship to the creator of all things. When we know who we are in relationship to God, we cannot help but experience a holy reverence, a sort of fear as we recognize how small we are and how big He is. I think it is fair to say that when we have the fear of the Lord, we have found radical humility. When we understand who we are in relationship to God, we cannot be prideful; we are compelled by love and awe to surrender our lives. We recognize that we are not the hero and that we simply play a small part in the very large story of God’s redemption of creation. When we truly understand that, we cannot help but be radically humble people.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. - Proverbs 1:7
My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding—indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. - Proverbs 2:1-5
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. - Proverbs 9:10
In Proverbs, the “knowledge of God" is about more than just knowing information about Him. It is a relational knowing, understanding God as He reveals Himself to us, knowing His character, His will, and His way. Fear of the Lord means more than just terror, it speaks to reverence, awe, and rightly ordered submission in response to God.
Radical humility is simply our response to really understanding who we are in relationship to God, others, and ourselves. We are not special because we are better than anyone else, we are special because we are uniquely made and called to play a small part in a very big story. We are special because the spirit of God lives in us, and we are compelled to love others the way we have been loved. We cannot truly know God and love others the way we love ourselves without what I am calling radical humility. Our modern Christian culture's version of humility allows far too much self-obsession to enable real connection to the creator of all things.
- John Walt
